carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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