ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
