you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
