Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am one with the molecules
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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