Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
