woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
