why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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