in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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