i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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