Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
