you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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