he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
