his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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