If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So. Much. Porn.
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