The maid of honor just puked.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
