new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
