do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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