worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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