I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
