I feel like I'm in dance class right now
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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