You can't motorboat a personality
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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