she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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