there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
