I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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