In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
