i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
