The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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