Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
