Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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