I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
