You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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