im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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