Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
