how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
