so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
