What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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