If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
