I love black thongs
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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