On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
