Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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