the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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