who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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