im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just pee around me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
