Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
