Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
