I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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