bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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