i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
