Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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