I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you win again, gameday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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